Managing my health while living with bipolar disorder has been an ongoing journey and the first year was the toughest. But, before I share my personal experience, it’s important to acknowledge a fundamental truth: there is no permanent cure for bipolar disorder.
However, it is possible to live a happy, healthy life while managing bipolar disorder. So, for those wondering, “Can you live a normal life with bipolar disorder?” The answer is a resounding yes. Through the support of medical professionals and a committed community, I discovered the necessary tools to navigate my “new normal” and thrive.
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month and Welcome Back to Kaipolar Diaries!
Intro: 🎵Solar Power – Lorde🎵
My post-diagnosis health journey was marked by numerous trials and errors. Alongside these challenges, I grappled with body image issues and self-doubt. Recognizing that there’s no instant remedy, I adopted a well-rounded approach to my well-being, considering my physical health and my emotional and mental wellness.
Denial and Acceptance
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I, my initial response was denial. I thought my manic episode and hospitalization were a fluke, caused by the grief of losing my mother.
Before this experience, my knowledge of the disorder was limited to what I had seen in the media or learned from celebrities like my idol, Mariah Carey, who had shared her experiences with it in the past. While I maintained a neutral stance on the topic, my background as a Psychology major in college also provided me with some basic understanding and empathy of this mood disorder.
However, after a few more episodes and hospitalizations, it became clear that this diagnosis wasn’t going anywhere or going to treat itself. So, at the insistence of a friend, I went to a support group led by NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
Hearing the stories of individuals living with bipolar disorder was a turning point for me. I realized that to get better, I had to actively participate in my wellness. Accepting my diagnosis was the first step in the right direction.
Bipolar Medication Side Effects
Part of accepting my diagnosis was acknowledging the necessity of medication to alleviate the symptoms of bipolar disorder. It was clear that managing bipolar disorder without medication was not feasible. Contrary to popular belief, no amount of prayer, Dr. Sebi concoctions, or sheer willpower would “cure” me. (If only it were that simple.)
I needed to find a medication that worked for me. However, there are potential physical side effects to bipolar disorder medications. I experienced lethargy, a decreased sex drive, and erectile dysfunction – all of which were out of the ordinary for me.
Yet, weight gain on bipolar medication was my most challenging side effect. Within a year, I gained 100 pounds and felt utterly trapped in my own body. During one of my hospitalizations, which spanned an entire month, I was in a very sedentary state. Coupled with a medication that heightened my appetite and intensified my carbohydrate cravings, it created a dangerous combination that resulted in steady weight gain.
After leaving the hospital I stayed on the prescribed medication and continued to rapidly put on weight, sometimes as much as 15 pounds in a matter of weeks. The impact on my appetite, metabolism, and overall energy level impacted my physical appearance and self-image.
Outside of my personal struggle, people in my life (platonic, familial, professional, and romantic) made comments regarding my weight gain, as if I wasn’t acutely aware of the changes going on inside and outside of my OWN BODY. Those who were aware of my condition were genuinely expressing concern for my overall health and my doctor even diagnosed me with prediabetes at one point. But those who weren’t aware of my condition or circumstances were just being jerks with their unsolicited opinions.
A PSA
I’ll take a moment here to address those who make comments on people’s lives, especially regarding something as superficial as people’s appearance. We often have no insight into what someone may be enduring internally. Making judgments based solely on external appearances can be deeply harmful and dismissive of the complex realities individuals may be facing.
Let’s strive to extend compassion and understanding rather than passing uninformed judgments. In simpler terms, shut your mouth and watch your words. Or as Oscar Winner Will Smith once said, “Keep Kaishon’s name out of your f***ing mouth!” – hope I got that right ☺️. Anyway, back to the topic at hand…
Keeping an open dialogue with my doctor helped me find a medication that not only restored my vitality but also revitalized my zest for life, reignited my sex drive, and enabled me to shed excess weight.
Reclaiming My Body
Once I had a medication that didn’t trigger weight gain, I focused on losing weight through diet and exercise. By this time it’s 2022; the body positivity movement of the 2010s seems like a relic and “weight-loss drugs” are trending again. My support group and doctors even suggested that I try semaglutides like Ozempic and Wegovy. But I ultimately decided to go the natural route of diet and exercise.
Diet & Excercise
Balancing the demands of work while managing bipolar disorder made meal planning overwhelming. That’s where CookUnity, a chef-designed meal delivery service, came in handy. They had an amazing variety of options that suited my vegan diet. Having their affordable prepared meals delivered weekly eased the burden and allowed me to prioritize my health without breaking the bank. If you’re interested in joining me on this CookUnity journey, you can use my code kaishol555 and you’ll get $50 off your order plus free shipping.
My exercise regimen has been a gradual process, marked by challenging moments and a lot of self-compassion, especially given my tendency to overachieve. I invested in memberships with Equinox, Obe Fitness, and SoulCycle, to give myself variety in my weekly workout options.
So far, I’ve lost about 40 pounds. But health for me, especially now, is about much more than what the scale reads. It’s about cultivating a sense of well-being and feeling comfortable and empowered in my own skin.
Appreciating the Process
Even with all of the messages being thrown at me from all directions, I had to start appreciating my new body as it evolved and oscillated in size over time regardless of what outside voices had to say. I had to love the man who was looking back at me in the mirror and say “to hell with it” regarding the beauty standards inflicted upon me from people in my life, greater society, and the media.
This mindset of personal empowerment was also of extreme importance due to the fact that I’m a Gay, Black man living in a major city. Being a man of this background often comes with the expectation of being a sculpted Adonis and the closer you are to that unattainable image of “perfection” the more social capital you gain. As I lost my muscle mass and physical mobility, the treatment I received from members of the various marginalized communities that I am a part of changed as well.
Overall, This experience saved me from internalizing outside opinions as much and ingrained a deeper sense of knowing that I set my OWN beauty standard and that I look and feel damn good at any size. I’m still the shit at 250 lbs or 290 lbs regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
Reclaiming Me
I encourage my fellow bipolar friends dealing with weight and self-image struggles to reclaim their voices, center their own opinion about their bodies, and shut out the unnecessary noise from others. Other people’s opinions about your appearance DO NOT MATTER, especially when it’s coming from a place of judgment and not from a place of genuine concern for your well-being.
In an ongoing effort to improve my physical well-being, I decided to relocate from New York City to Miami Beach, Florida. Between the weather and activities, the city suits my new active lifestyle and commitment to my health. The mental and physical health benefits have already enhanced my quality of life astronomically. A new era is upon us, let the #Kaiami festivities begin.
🎵 Get Up/Body Language – Kali Uchis 🎵
Maintaining Mental Health While Bipolar
One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is paranoia. There are points in mania where you think people are out to get you. Even when you’ve come back down to your baseline, there’s this general sense of uneasiness that the “mania monster” will rear its ugly head again, even if you are following all of the proper medicinal and lifestyle protocols to keep it at bay.
I was always afraid that the other shoe would drop; that I would end up in the hospital again or that I would never truly reclaim my mind and body. I thought I had lost BOTH for good but once I asserted my dedication to reclaiming my life, I was on a mission to get it all back and then some!
Fortunately, I began cognitive behavioral therapy in 2016 so I had a 5-year head start prior to my official diagnosis. During that time, I worked through life issues and established coping skills. So, by the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I in 2021, I had built a foundation of mental wellness.
This setup gave me an advantage as I integrated my relationship with my therapist with my new psychiatrist, who prescribed my medication. With the behavioral and interpersonal aspects covered by my therapist and the pharmaceutical side managed by my psychiatrist, along with the support of my knowledgeable NAMI support group, I was truly set up for success. Despite facing self-doubt and fear, I’ve managed to push through and navigate the mental minefield that is bipolar disorder.
Prioritizing Self Care
I’ve always prioritized self-care and some of my friends even call me the King of #SoftLife. It’s a growing trend across social media but I’ve been about that life for years now. And after my bipolar disorder diagnosis, it’s become an essential aspect of my healthcare routine. Incorporating self-care practices allows me to intentionally rest and recharge.
My self-care regimen includes simple maintenance like haircuts, manicures, pedicures, and oil pulling. During more indulgent moments, I treat myself to a hot stone massage, facial, ear candling, or even a colonic to really reset my system inside and out. Taking care of myself with these treatments promotes relaxation and brings me joy.
When I invest in myself, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. These self-care rituals serve as vital anchors in my journey towards maintaining my mental health. This is a concept that I often refer to as Mental Kaigene. Mental Kaigene is centered around the necessary rest and recovery that is required when living in such a fast-paced world as our own.
How to Live a Happy Life while Managing Bipolar Disorder
Imagine if there were a one-size-fits-all guide that had all the answers! I may not have all the answers, but I often draw upon a tech-related analogy to illustrate the importance of managing both the hardware (body) and software (mind) in our lives.
“Some days are just for processing information and backing up the hard drive.”
Just as a computer or phone requires regular maintenance and updates to function optimally, our bodies and minds require ongoing care and attention.
Through my journey with Bipolar Disorder Type I, I’ve learned firsthand the significance of embracing a holistic approach to health. It’s about acknowledging the complexities of our physical, emotional, and mental states, and finding harmony amidst the challenges. With the encouragement of doctors, support groups, friends, and family, I’m committed to maintaining all aspects of my health.
Once you reach that equilibrium, you can begin to focus on other aspects of your life; like navigating financial stability or love and relationships as a person with bipolar disorder. And as a wise woman once said, 🎵 I used to be down bad, but now a bitch okay. 🎵 So, stay tuned and stay well!
🎵 After the Storm – Kali Uchis ft. Tyler the Creator 🎵
Take care of yourself and be kind to others.
Xo,
Kaishon
Outro: 🎵 Fergalicious – Fergie 🎵